Love + Affection: 8 Ways to be Mindful in your Relationship
by Therese Miu on 16/02/11 at 7:40 am
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Jeff & I
“When the archer misses the mark, he turns and looks for the fault within himself. Failure to hit the bull’s eye is never the fault of the target. To improve your aim – improve yourself.” Gilbert Arland
I have a confession to make.
Lately I haven’t been that nice to my husband. I have been pretty mean. And he shared his feelings with me at 4 in the morning. I have always been very intuitive and follow my inner guidance so I knew I had to stop what I was doing and listen to him. He said, “What’s wrong with you? You keep picking on me.”
It struck a chord inside me. I collided head-on with my own feelings and began to count all the things I have been doing and saying that was causing him unhappiness at this point.
He was right. I have been very mean to him.
My biggest roadblock was me. Relationship requires time, care, and attention. And your number #1 relationship next to the relationship you have with yourself is definitely with your family.
My inner direction was giving me guidance that I was acting pretty *bitchy* and I need to adjust my emotions (no matter how pregnant I felt).
After all wouldn’t you agree that what starts out small becomes big?
I have shared this before and really believe in this philosophy that
~You are 100% responsible for your thoughts, actions, and deeds. So ACT & THINK accordingly~
My proudest achievements are nurturing my family and keeping them a PRIORITY. This VERY MUCH INCLUDES KEEPING MY HUSBAND HAPPY.
As we both discussed our feelings an inner peace overwhelmed my emotions. I just listened to him talk, even though my egoic mind wanted to say, “No, I haven’t…” “I’ve been good to you”…”Your just being sensitive…” blah blah blah.
I think deep down inside human beings have a hard time being corrected and being told they are wrong. And I am no exception. As he shared his feeling with me, my egoic mind went on a tangent thinking “I’m right” and “I’m always good to you” I drop all my thinking and just decided to breathe his words in.
Really take it in. And listen to what he was sharing with me at that moment.
When anything comes up in our life anything at all, it shakes me and shocks me REACTING always to a small spite of negativity.
I knew right away that I did not want him to feel disrespected, misunderstood or invalidated.
As we both communicated about EVERYTHING. I slowly began to adjust my emotional roller coaster mood swings. I have a special knack at making people feel good about themselves genuinely so I practiced this intentionally with my husband over the last few weeks.
I found creative ways to be more present with my husband. If I’m writing or playing with Jeroen and Jeff asks me to look at something or do something, I drop everything I’m doing and listen to him with full intent. In the morning (well sometimes after noon 
when we both wake up, we hug for a good 5 minutes and just say sweet positive words to each other. Out of nowhere during the day, whatever I’m doing I’ll slowly let go of my tasks, walk towards him and hug him very tightly.
When I know I’m about to get cranky and get angry I would take conscious breathing and simply say to myself “patience.”
Wherever Focus goes, Energy flows And I want to FOCUS ON KEEPING OUR RELATIONSHIP FRESH AND ALIVE.
Here are ways to be MINDFUL in your relationship **Beware some of the tips require much needed time, effort, and constant care. So if you’re UP FOR THE CHALLENGE keep reading….
Blossom
1.) If your life is jam-packed with constant nagging obligations, get your appointment or planner out and COMMIT a TIME to be with your family before you commit yourself to everyone else. MAKE THIS YOUR FIRST TOP PRIORITY.
2.) Be creative in finding ways to be more present with your spouse. Maybe it’s talking to him/her before the day starts. Hold hands. Cook together. Meditate with each other. Listen and listen carefully and intently. Bring home a movie she/he will like (even if you don’t like it). Go for a long walk.
3.) Join in laughter and play. Do art together, perfect if you have children together.
4.) Take a minute or two before you go to bed to show appreciation and love. Tell your spouse “I appreciate that you helped me with our son today…” “I appreciate that you took out the trash” “I appreciate that you cooked for the family today” Let this be part of your routine.
“What you appreciate, appreciates”
5.) Let your spouse know that his/her world is worth your attention and time.
6.) Ask yourself: “What can I do for my spouse and my family today to make them happy?” This is not a have-to-do like “get them picked up… after soccer practice” It is something they do not expect, something that will bring them joy. It could be a note to your wife, a call to your aging grandmother. Whatever it is, write it down before you plan your day. Make time for friendships and sensuality.
7.) Make it one of your top priorities to have the energy and presence of mind to SHARE their experiences and interests with them.
Orbuch suggests that, “everyday talk to your spouse about something other than-work, family, chores or your relationship. Most people think that they’re communicating all the time with their spouses, but what they’re really doing is maintaining the household by deciding who’s going to pick up the kids, who’s going to get groceries” Communication is intimately special when you share your dreams, goals, and aspirations. He suggests topic ideas:
a.) What are you most proud of this year?
b.) Who were you closest to growing up mom or dad?
c.) What do you or do you not regret doing?
8.) Take the time for your own well-being, for your own intuitive peace of mind, to actually get to know and enjoy and play with your wonderful life partner called your ‘soul mate.’
I have shared my experiences with you by reading this, is not merely to read about and forget, or think when it’s convenient.
You must carve out time for each other no matter how busy you get.
Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~ Barnett R. Brickner
You will be doing something energetically to balance your vibration with him/her and reestablish the connection you share.
Relationship with your loved one is cultivated through understanding, insight, care, attentiveness, and love.
Nourishing such a strong relationship is a lifelong journey, traveled day by day, that is worth making the most important FOCUS of your life.
I’m glad I did, seeing my husband happy has been worth it. To think it just started with 1 small conversation at 4am 
I will speak to you soon. Thanks for reading this
What are some ways that you’re mindful in your own relationships?
Chris Kilber
