Communication Breakdown- Is your FILTER Clogged?

by Dallas Cyr on 08/07/10 at 6:17 am

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We’re human; “Spiritual beings having a Human experience” but human none the less. And, as humans it’s  natural that our experiences affect the way the act and think. The things that happen in our childhood at home and at school all change the way we perceive things.

How did your parents speak to one another? How were you treated in school? What is your cultural background? Have you ever been in a bad car accident? Did you lose a parent as a child? Maybe you’re parent who has lost a child.

No matter what has happened to you these experiences shaped the way you perceive things and the way you communicate today. In a sense you have a “Filter” through which you see the world. The question is are you aware of this? What affect do you think it has on how you talk to others or how you “HEAR” others when they talk to you?

So often people argue and fight because they are so dedicated to “their” truth, not THE truth but their truth, what they perceive as the only reality. In their heads they know they’re right and can’t understand how anyone would disagree. Because of this (peoples lack of appreciation for one another’s filter) people tend to take arguments more personal,  marriages fail, friends stop talking to one another and even wars are waged!

Even though we know everyone has a Filter, meaning everyone sees things from a different point of view, it would seem most people give little to no thought to this and how it affects any and all communication they have.

But What if YOU Did?

Like any other type of Filter the more clogged it is the less it works. If you’re caring around years of fear, anger, resentment, guilt and other negative emotions from things that have happened in your past the way you perceive  things and the way you relay information will be impacted greatly.

Someone who is suffering with clinical depression may see the world as a dark, scary and overwhelming place.    Two guys both 25 but one grows up on a farm in Italy and the other in the other a City in Chicago will have different Filters. If you’re 50 you don’t see the world as you did when you were 25 and so on.

So how about starting today we become more aware of this; of others filters and the role it plays when they’re speaking to us as well as our own Filter and how it affects what we hear and how we hear it. Lets take things less personally, be a little less judgmental and bit more patient and compassionate.

Check out this brief video and then share your thoughts about Filters.
YouTube Preview Image

Here is what I suggest …

•    Be more compassionate and open when you talk to others
•    Practice “Active Listening” which is to listen intently, pause before replying and repeat certain statements back to the person to make sure you heard them right such as, “so what you’re saying is…”
•   Take things less personally – realize no one is attacking you they are just attacking a perception or point of view
•    Recognize and understand your own Filter and how it affects the way you receive and relay information.

What Filters do you see life through and why? Would your communication style change if you were more aware and understanding to your Filters and others? We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Thanks and I look hearing your comments and as always feel free to share this post if you enjoyed and received some value.

Thanks Therese for having me as a guest, I am humbled and honored.

Wishing you all Peace & Prosperity,
Dallas Cyr

aa Communication Breakdown Is your FILTER Clogged? Dallas Cyr also known as the “Edutainer” is a former financial planner turned passionate and professional speaker and Success Life & Mindset Coach. Dallas specializes in working with Home-based business owners, and entrepreneurs guiding them to self-mastery. He loves to help people discover their true potential and live their true passion. Dallas’s philosophy is this,“all struggle comes from within and once you are able to know and master yourself you can master your world!”

For more information on Dallas Cyr or to contact him, to hire or work with him directly visit www.dallascyr.com  OR if Facebook fanpage http://www.facebook.com/dallascyr

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  • Nice post Dallas!

    Love the sunglasses, great way to explain filters.

    So true about how we see the world is based on our experiences. My wife sees the world and makes analogies based on food and dogs, two of her passions. It's a great reminder for us all to take off our filter to see what is instead of our perception.

    It happens all too often in our relationships. When our relationship bank account is high full of positive deposits, we give a person the benefit of the doubt when they do something that may be hurtful. When someone's bank account is overdrawn from negative withdrawals, if that person does something helpful, we question their motive. Fascinating!

    Thanks Dallas! I'm a big fan of Therese's blog and you had some big shoes (or in this case some cute tiny shoes) to fill and you did it admirably.

    To Your Genius,
    Eiji
  • @jomo thank you sir.

    @Jeremy that is absolutely the case that our filter will change as we grow and our experiences change. The key here is not that we have to know one another's filter but to be understanding that we all have one and enter each communication with a little more patience and compassion.

    @Ben I love that you recognize that and agree that active listening is powerful and knowing there is a filter should help you take even the emotional conversations less personal cause its never personal.


    @Rob agreed. Our intuition is usually much more accurate when listening for the truth.

    @Ellen thank you.
  • Awesome post Dallas! Thanks so much for your insight and positive vibes bro! :-)
  • Jeremy Johnson
    That was helpful, thanks for sharing your thoughts about filters. What would you say about people's filter's changing over time as their moods and life circumstances change? That seems to add an even great dimension to communicating and understanding people. On the other hand, many people are the same way they've been for years, so understanding their filter is a lot easier.

    I appreciate you sharing this and thank you Therese for allowing this opportunity for someone to guest post.
  • Ben Weston
    Hey Dallas,

    I think active listening plays a huge role in understanding our filters. I often notice that when I start prepping for what I want to say to a person long before they've even finished, I know that I am no longer actually listening and talking with them- I'm merely talking AT them.

    This almost always happens when the discussion is something that is emotionally close to me. I begin to close myself off and get defensive, hence no longer truly listening.

    Great points Dallas!
  • Hi Dallas,
    I like your Filter metaphor. This filter can be responsible for a vast collection of limiting opinions, prejudices and superstitions. What comes through is very different than what we intuitively sense is true... THE truth. It is wise to look at our filters and examine the ideas and opinions that are coming through. Are they full of doubt and anger? (At one time it was for me) If so it is time to start collecting inspiring ideas and declaring them true. I have made it habit to declare as true those marvelous opinions I once considered false (and vice versa).
  • Ellen Vaman
    LOVely post thanX ~

    IN-JOY :))
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