12 Tips to strengthen your friendship: Why Likeability Matters in Life & Business
by Therese Miu on 05/02/10 at 7:20 pm
Everyone from researchers, sages, contemporary and and ancient philosophers have agreed that that the KEY to happiness is strong ties to other people.
Relationships are the gems in your life
So LET’S START!
12 Tips to strengthen your friendships: Why Likeability Matters in Life & Business
1.) Be Genuine and Authentic. No one likes to be around fake people. Every conversation you carry has energy. It can either be use to lift people up or tear someone down. Sometimes it’s not what you say in front of their face that matters. The BIG QUESTION is: Do you represent people well when they’re not in front of your face. It’s what you say when they are not around that MATTERS. I work on this a lot. If you want to invest on solid good relationships that last a lifetime, be a MIRROR!
2.) Be more interested about the person “Don’t you find that to be true? Everyone wants his life to matter. Everyone wants to feel significant. Don’t you feel that way? Then you know it’s true for everybody, even those who don’t show it” Make People feel important FOCUS on them and not just on yourself.
3.) Be thoughtful Remember little things. If someone mentioned their daughter like the movie “New Moon” go out of your way and ask your friend “Hey how did your daughter like the movie?” From the smallest things to big things such as remembering a person’s birthday, anniversary, etc… Also be aware of someone’s likes and dislikes. It shows that you pay attention. I learned from author Gretchen Rubin best selling writer whose new book, The Happiness Project she shares Make the effort to say “This made me think of you.” “Congrats, I saw the piece about your book deal!” Be Observant. Don’t be lazy when it comes to friendships.
4.) Show Up to events (Birthdays, BBQ, baby shower, weddings, camping, etc.) Be well rounded in your relationships.
5.) Keep in Touch. In this day of technological advances we have no excuse not to keep in touch–call someone, email, facebook, or twitter. I am good-old fashioned and I call my friends/family or write a note/letters. Just for the heck of it. And no, I’m not looking to receive anything back. Have a separate calendar and remember when you last saw your friends or family. Always look to Building a deepening relationship every year. A research has been done that “people with 5 or more close friends (not including family members) are 50 percent more likely to describe themselves as “very happy” than those with fewer strong relationships.” If you tend to move a lot having a social media account/or 1 email will really be on your best intention I have heard that “You lose five people with every move.”
6.) Be a GREAT Listener. I am reminding myself this more than anything else. What I noticed about people is the lack of listening skills. We have 2 ears but only 1 mouth and should use them proportionately! Since you don’t see your friends/family everyday when you get together LISTEN to what they have been going through in their life. Take your time talking to people, connect with them, and be sensitive to their feelings, wants, and needs. Be Engaged! Stop using your latest gadgets I-phone, itouch, or crackberry etc…
7.) Ask Questions let them do the talking. I have likened this strategy by John C. Maxwell in Winning with People
“Listen,
ask questions,
listen again,
ask more questions,
listen some more,
then
respond”
8.) Be Helpful--This is what I do my best here on my blog, in person with my family or friends, with my team, or collaborating tribe members. Author Keith Ferrazi “calls it “universal currency” – ways to be generous and spread goodwill to anyone that we meet. Generosity is the first step to warming up to a relationship.”
9.) Be approachable Smiling is contagious and so is happiness. There is a psychological term called “emotional contagion” which basically means we catch emotions of others whether they are happy, sad, or angry. If you are approachable it creates a pleasant atmosphere.
10.) Work at creating and building value. My mentor Katie Freiling talks about this thoroughly in her video please watch it. Click Here It is the best video you will watch I promise! Remember that if you fill your head with mental noise that doesn’t serve you, or fast food media, or gossip YOU will repel people. You will swing to an extreme of negativity and start to lose friends and influence.
11.) See People as “10″ -I love this! I heard it from John C. Maxwell He calls it the Number 10 Principle. He says, “Try to love others and see them as 10s. If you have family, start with your spouse and your kids. And then broaden that circle from there. Believe the best in others, and you will bring out the best” beautiful!!! 
I say 3P’s
a.) Be Passionate about learning and growing in your own relationships withYourself & people
b.) Be Purposeful in your Relationships
c.) Be Positive always
12.) Be the first to say I’m sorry even if it’s not your fault. I enjoy Dr Hew Len healing method of ho’oponopono “I’m Sorry Please Forgive Me, I Love You and I thank You” If you let an anger linger for a long time it’s like having a monkey on your back. It becomes annoying next thing you know you’re so consumed with anger years later and you don’t even remember what it was about. Be the first to forgive it gives you Peace of Mind, Zen-like feeling, and research shows it’s good for your heart. Know in every situation you MAKE YOUR OWN WEATHER. This is very important ****
Relationship is like traveling to unknown continents–you never know who you are going to meet in the journey. But if we listen with the INTENTION to Love, Accept, Admire, and Respect the person for who they are and who they are becoming. When you nourish and nurture the precious relationships in your life then it becomes a RICH & REWARDING EXPERIENCE. Remember you need close, long-term relationships, you need to be able to confide in people you can trust, you need to belong, you need to be able to give and receive support.
And Please REMEMBER Relationships are the gems in your life
Do you have any tips you can share with me that has worked for you in the past?
I am very INTERESTED in what you have to share. Leave a comment down below with your thoughts on friendship and don’t forget to tweet it if you liked it & Share it to your friends & family on Facebook.
Thank You so much for visiting today!
We will talk soon 
Love Light & Blessings,
Codi
Feb 5th, 2010
Therese,
Thank you so much for the great tips. I know I could work on alot and could work on improving all the areas of strengthening relationships.
# 12 really hits home with my mother’s relationship with her father. It has been 5-6 years since the situation has taken place and they still do not talk. I know one day she will regret not forgiving him and telling him she is Sorry (first).
You have inspired me to become a better person with in my relationships with the people around me.
Thank you so much,
Codi
Therese Miu Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Codi,
I feel very touched that you shared this here on my blog. It sounds like an emotional on-going issue. I encourage you to pick “Zero Limits” when you get a chance. Though you may not be able to change your mom and her dad, you can change the way you view the situation within. Send out silent blessings and on-going prayers for them. Begin with the end in mind, the next step “instead of asking, YOU ACTUALLY just be in GRATITUDE FOR ALREADY RECEIVING THAT WHICH YOU ARE ASKING FOR.” And then the last part, Just release it.
Let the Universe do its job. I learned from Dr. HewLen just say the words anyway (I Love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me,Thank You) whether there is conflict or not, in order to clean energies and transmute every situation into LIGHT. Give it a try!
Let me know how it goes…
Thanks again for sharing such a touching story here. I look forward to our friendship
Your Loving Friend,
Therese Miu
Andre
Feb 5th, 2010
Therese, the tips you shared here are real gems! It’s especially powerful coming from you because I know you walk the talk, and your authenticity shines through at every interaction. There’s so much I can learn from you Therese, and it’s a privilege to cross path with you.
I love all 12 points, but perhaps my favorite is “Be Genuine and Authentic”. Very true what you said, that it’s not what you say in front of their face that matters, but it’s what you say when they are not around that matters. Personally there are 2 guidelines I keep reminding myself: “Will I say this if the person I’m talking about is here in the room and can hear what I say?” and “If I don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say a word.”
And you put it so beautifully here… so much loving energy expanding my heart when I read:
“Relationship is like traveling to unknown continents–you never know who you are going to meet in the journey. But if we listen with the INTENTION to Love, Accept, Admire, and Respect the person for who they are and who they are becoming. When you nourish and nurture the precious relationships in your life then it becomes a RICH & REWARDING EXPERIENCE.”
Thank you for being you, Therese.
Abundant Love, Peace, and Blessings,
Andre
Andre´s last blog ..Embodying Strength Through Gentleness
Therese Miu Reply:
February 6th, 2010 at 11:04 pm
Andre,
You always leaves me feeling in complete awe. Thank You for your breathtaking comment here.I am learning tremendously from you as well. #1 is very crucial being GENUINE & AUTHENTIC. Sometime we forget that every interaction with another human being is ALL ENERGY. And you can
almost feel in your gut when someone is being fake with you. Or have bad thoughts about you. It’s not a mystery at all. It’s like poisonous radioactive cloud hovering. And next thing you know, you just want to get away from that person. I thoroughly enjoyed reading all John C. Maxwell’s books, especially “Winning with People” I have come to understand more about people in different level.
I love your guidelines, “2 guidelines I keep reminding myself: “Will I say this if the person I’m talking about is here in the room and can hear what I say?” and “If I don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say a word.” and will definitely add this in my journal.
So much to LEARN WHEN IT COMES to Relationships. One that I learned from Satyen Raja in “Living Ecstasy” is “The More open you are to something, the more you feel that you are inherently connected to it. The More you feel that something is part of you, the less you feel separation from it. Your openness is how close you are to a circumstance, to a moment, to an idea or to a person.”
Just reminding myself daily that ALL HUMAN BEING ARE ONE. And we are all connected leaves a wide expansion in my heart.
Thanks for the beautiful comment!
I feel truly abundant knowing we are friends =)
erlina sinaga
Feb 6th, 2010
Therese…
What a beautiful tips. Every relationship takes mutual effort. But if we put a lot of love and compassion into our relationships, it’s no longer an effort but a delightful tasks. I think #6 of being a great listener is far and foremost the key ingredient in a loving and healthy relationship. Thank you for being the embodiment of all of these tips in our friendship.
Lovingly,
Erlina
Therese Miu Reply:
February 6th, 2010 at 11:11 pm
Hi Erlina,
Thank You for your Hafiz book I found a great quote in regards to listening I would love the privilege of reminding you his quote:
How Do I Listen
How Do I listen to Others?
As if everyone were my master
Speaking to me his cherished Last Words
Hafiz
Tony Teegarden
Feb 6th, 2010
Well you’ve hit a home run here my dear Therese! Amazing key points!
If I could add anything it would be the philosophy around linear vs. leveraged listening. It determines the language I use when communicating back with the person.
Today, I’m intuitively prepared for “active” listening. This is something I’ve studied, practiced and messed up for a long time.
Listening is so crucial. “Hearing what someone said but knowing they are saying something else, is a skill.”
It just takes practice, an intuitive heart and using both ears. Sounds complicated but really it’s just seriously listening to someone so you can really hear what they are saying. (I Love what you said about asking questions, listen, asking questions, listen and ask more questions. So True!)
God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. It’s so important to listen more and when you “DO” speak you actually connect with them because it it resonates within them. Why? Because they truly feel you’re not just listening, but you actually “heard them.” This is connecting at the deepest level whether it be friendships, business relationships or an intimate relationship.
If you’re just waiting for the other person to shut up so you can say what’s on your mind…well…you’re probably missing what the person is “really” saying. (Big mistake I hear lots of sales people make)
I can tell you work at these 12 points. It’s an incredible list anyone can start implementing right away to build better relationships. Thank you for sharing, I believe you’ve helped me prepare for my next blog post lol.
Tony Teegarden´s last blog ..What I Let You See Is What You Get
Therese Miu Reply:
February 7th, 2010 at 12:04 am
Hi Tony, Not sure if I’ve heard linear vs. leveraged listening Can you give me more information on that? I enjoy “active listening” and found that it’s interesting when you begin to OPEN yourself up to genuinely listening to someone. I even use “visualization”, to asking questions and repeating “oh, so what your really saying is…..” to just remembering every little thing they say. But you are so right, it takes “right practice, an intuitive heart and using both ears.” I practice this everyday with my wonderful husband Jeff and my son. This is very IMPORTANT skill to master. I have even went further and studied people who are “active listeners” one of them is my loving & philosophical brother-in-law. His such a wonderful listener. I am constant awe of how he truly embodies this skill and have mastered it. I am glad I have people I can learn from in person. One great thing for me though is I truly enjoy learning and listening to people experiences so I do find JOY in listening to people.
I’m glad I gave you inspiration for your next blogpost. Your philosophy and brilliant writing is amazing!
Keep up the great work
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net
Feb 7th, 2010
Hi Therese, great stuff – It’s always important to be reminded of the foundations again and again. In this hectic life it is easy to get lost in your own pursuits and life and forget about maintaining your friendships.
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net´s last blog ..How to Cope With Uncertainty
Therese Miu Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 6:53 am
Hi Albert, It is a true privilege that you visited my site today. I love all your blogpost and learn something new everytime I read. It nourishes my thirst for learning. I truly believe Relationships are the gems in life. If tended carefully it will blossom into a beautiful field. I make sure not to let small bugs get in the way of nurturing and loving people close to me in my life. I appreciate you
buff
Feb 7th, 2010
HI Therese,
thanks so much for your wonderful ideas about building and keeping great relationships. I love your joyful inspirations! I have also used ho ‘oponono with very positive results and love the very premise that it creates within.
Blessings on your day!
buff´s last blog ..The Mother In Me
Therese Miu Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 6:55 am
Hi Buff,
I made sure to subscribe to your blog so that I’m always updated with your awesome and creative flow of writing. I truly love ho ‘oponono and shoot prayers everyday to every single person I meet. It makes for a fulfilling and heartfelt day for me.
I love you Buff
Peter
Feb 7th, 2010
Hi Erlina,I have gone through the tips and have relised that some element like calling pals and advancing the social networks has been achallenges these are few tips and currently working since I had been transformed.
The tips are rich and makes adifference in a society,thanks for your generous sharing of such noble Idea in such atime.
Therese Miu Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 6:58 am
Hi Peter, My name is Therese and I am very honored you visited my site today. Relationships must be tended carefully always. I call it Mastering the true art of relationship building. It is and always my focal point every year to grow deeper in all my relationships whether they be personal, business, or casual. I’m glad you received value from this post. You are always welcome
Thanks for the awesome connection Peter =)
Thérèse Cator
Feb 8th, 2010
I LOVED this post! It is so true what you say about friendships!
There are so many great things to implement.
I was recently talking to a friend about how many people
undervalue friendships and put more stock in romantic
relationships. The truth is true friendships are just as important.
There is no relationship that is better than another,
they all are equally valuable and important.
One thing I’d add is: it’s never too late…
to reach out, or make a phone call, send an email.
As time goes by for some people it gets harder and harder
to reach out to long lost friends but as you stated with
technology everyone is usually a tweet or facebook page
away.
Thank you for sharing. I will be sending some messages
and making phone calls this week.
Thérèse Cator´s last blog ..HAITI: 10 Creative Ways To Give
Therese Miu Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 7:05 am
Thérèse, As always I love the incredible insights you provide in all the comments. I always learn something new everytime.
I appreciate when you said this: “many people undervalue friendships and put more stock in romantic relationships. The truth is true friendships are just as important. There is no relationship that is better than another” What I currently do now and for the past months is as I run through who I’m going to spend time with. I see if anyone of my friends has birthdays coming up to make sure I can squeeze in time for him/her. I make sure that I always build a foundation with all my friends. Friendship is vital in my life. I make sure to water it, tend it, and plant to MAKE SURE IT FLOURISH. I always enjoy keeping in touch with people I love. Anyway I too will be sending messages and make phone calls this week. Thanks for your loving spirit always.
Baker
Feb 8th, 2010
I recieved value from this post. The steps you include here are very valuable. You did a great job laying out the facts about building solid relationships. This post is great.
Therese Miu Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 7:07 am
Hi Baker, The best way to keep relationships happy, healthy, and supportive is summed in 1 word: APPRECIATION. I am appreciative of you stopping by.
Thanks my friend. I love the incredible work your doing and cannot wait to visit your site again.
I appreciate and THANK YOU
Iyabo Asani, The Entrepreneur Success Coach
Feb 9th, 2010
Thank you! So important. It is too easy to forget how we really do need each other and no man is an island. At the end of the day, this life is about relationships not Twitter, the superbowl or the internet. It is about connecting and engaging.
Thank you.
Iyabo
Iyabo Asani, The Entrepreneur Success Coach´s last blog ..Developing Self Awareness
Therese Miu Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Iyabo, I like how you said, “At the end of the day, this life is about relationships not Twitter, the superbowl or the internet” so enlightening
Thanks for stopping by. Looking forward to learning from you.
Rose Goddess
Feb 9th, 2010
These are all excellent tips to strengthen relationships! You really inspire me to be more loving and create an environment of safety for those I come in contact with. I really appreciate that about you:)
Rose Goddess´s last blog ..“To Thine Own Self Be True” ~ The Power of Journaling
Therese Miu Reply:
February 9th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
Hi Debbie,
Thank You!! I’m still continually working on all the tips. Just writing about it sends message to my subconscious mind for sure and alerts me when I’m doing all of the above. Thanks always for your incredible love & support.
Can’t wait to speak with you soon…
Lana - DreamFollowers.com
Feb 10th, 2010
Hi Theresa first time on your blog and absolutely loved this post! The idea of writing down on a calendar when you last saw a family member or a friend is genius. With our busy lifestyles it is very important.
Lana – DreamFollowers.com´s last blog ..How To Get In The Flow or How To Connect With Your Inner Genius
Therese Miu Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:29 am
Lana,
Hi How are you? So glad and honored you stopped by. Yeah I have incorporated date nights consistently with my own spouse as well as calendar when I last saw loved ones. A lot of it got to do that I do know Life is fleeting every moment. I want to live purposefully. I want my loved ones to know they are truly cherished and loved. I will be visiting your blog. Thank you again for this chance to connect.
Love & Light
Therese Miu
Alex Blackwell
Feb 10th, 2010
All great tips indeed.
For me, it boils down to “How can I serve.” When I take this mindset then my friendships, and business, become strengthened and more pleasurable.
Alex
Stacy Pavey
Feb 15th, 2010
Kelly has been told over and over that she is unapproachable, she hates that but she always has such a concentrated look on her face that people take that as being mad or unapproachable….It sure makes a difference
Therese Miu Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
Stacy, The only way to counter that is by SMILING. Smiling is very contagious..it can light up fire within each being
ayo
Feb 20th, 2010
hi therese,
how are you?
first timer on your blog. i must say it’s a lovely one too and would be stopping by from time to time.
loved this post considering i’m a firm believer in true friendships. these tips and information provided was inspiring.
do have a lovely weekend
ayo´s last blog ..Are You Wearing A Disguise
Therese Miu Reply:
February 20th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
Thank You Ayo, I will make sure to stop by yours as well. I appreciate the visit. Have a wonderful weekend too
Amanda
Feb 21st, 2010
These are wonderful tips Therese! Being a “people” person is one of the most important qualities you can have in business and life. Thanks for sharing!
Amanda´s last blog ..The Epitome Of A Good Life Is Gratitude, Growth, and Giving Back